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We’ve all heard the phrase “let’s just agree to disagree” and this is actually a sign of a healthy individual who accepts and values the differences of other individuals and doesn’t feel the need for everyone to agree with them. Being okay with disagreement is actually a sign of emotional maturity and emotional health. People with narcissistic tendencies, those who are self-absorbed and self-centered, are not okay when someone disagrees with them and feels the need to argue, defend, attack and criticize in order to get them to essentially conform with their thinking. Some of the reasons they can’t agree to disagree are:
1. They don’t accept or value the individuality of others.
2. They’re rigidly attached to their beliefs and always feel the need to push their agenda.
3. They have black and white thinking – you’re either with me or against me, if you don’t agree with me, we’re not ok.
4. They use what you say against you
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Dr. Hawkins and his team of experts offer education and professional training as well as treatment for narcissistic and emotional abuse.
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About
The internet is inundated with hyperbole and misinformation about narcissism, leaving many people confused and hopeless. Get the facts about narcissism and emotional abuse from someone who has been researching, writing about and treating narcissism and emotional abuse for over a decade.
Dr. Hawkins is a best-selling author and clinical psychologist with over three decades of experience helping people break unhealthy patterns and build healthier relationships. He is the founder and director of the Marriage Recovery Center and the Emotional Abuse Institute which offers education, training and counseling for people who want to break free of, and heal from, emotional abuse.
Whether the perpetrator of the abuse is your spouse, partner, parent, boss, friend or family member, we offer practical advice for anyone trapped in a toxic, destructive relationship. In addition to narcissism & emotional abuse, topics include covert, reactive, spiritual, secondary, relationship trauma and more.
#narcissistic #narcissist #narcissism
My ex covert narcissist used to ask me why I just couldn't "have his back" whenever I voiced an opinion different from his. I guess he took it as an attack on him vs my having thoughts and perspectives of my own. He often told me that I shouldn't feel a particular way. So aggravating when he'd invalidate my thoughts and feelings.
What is really infuriating is that even things that did not matter he made a rigid opinion on. I cleared a space to temporarily lean a new bed frame where it would be out of the way and not scratch the wall. When I told him that as he brought it in he deliberately ignored me, and leaned it against a chair against a window. The heavy bed frame went straight through the window. And I got cross because he had ignored me three times so he accused me of distracting him. He had his plan or no plan but he was still going to go with it, not listen or collaborate. I just don’t get why anyone would do that. And I am so glad I left that self centred jerk.
Sometimes a narcissist will say, “let’s agree to disagree”. But they way it comes across is more like a slogan they are just repeating because they heard it somewhere. I never could figure out why when he would say that why something still didn’t feel right. It was like once again being dominated and dismissed with a new slogan from him. It does get him off the hook to take responsibility and have a relationship. But you describe it well, since they are not interested in celebrating another point of view, or curious, they have baggage that comes along with them no matter what the encounter.
Why do Narcissists lie, deceive and withhold information.
I would like to know with the agree to disagree is that my husband has cheated on me multiple times and continues to do so. He takes off his wedding ring and tells women he's single. I've seen the text messages he has sent to these women and I also have seen the messages when he invites them over when I'm not home. I have accused him of cheating on me and that he is a disgusting person and what he says to me is, we need to agree to disagree because he doesn't believe he's being unfaithful.
May I ask a further question? My covert narcissistic husband USES “agree to disagree” so he will not have to change! He is SO rigid in his beliefs and views that he refuses to even consider that I or my children might be right in something. What makes a narcissist OPEN to change? Or illicit curiosity to learn?
AND…I was wondering if your team would be open to making a video on sexual coercion? It is a real epidemic especially in Christian marriages. They don’t understand it, much less see it as assault. We really need more voices on this❤
Thank you
My husband does this to me. He tends to use the Bible to be little me when I don’t agree with everything he says. He’s very loud and in your face about things the Bible is vague on but is silent on things the Bible is crystal clear about.
Mr. Hawkins,
I was left for dead,y kids stolen and my.200K a year business
Went down as I did.
I was ignored persecuted, told I was crazy by all and abandoned by all but 3 friends
All family left me on the streets.
I knew addiction because I
Stayed in counseling for 5 years
And built two Ministries.
My incredible counselor of the past put enough In me to help.
After two years of darkness
I either found away to find might or due of a broken heart.
I decided to live for others
No money but I offered me if accepted
Then I was chanended if I live my kids more or YHVH more.
I answer. My kids.
I asked Him to show me how.
I already knew it wasnt for him.
It had to be for me.
Then it dawned on me.
Jesus said the two commandments that encompass all of them is love YHVH with your all and your neighbors as yourself.
For real. Not mamby pamby
Time passed and I had them down and the pain began to subcide.
I felt guilty as hell.
Then BAM
guilt has ruled my life and attracted all my abusers.
How do you get rid of it?
I began to go back in time and I took care of me at ages
3-7
He saw stuff he never should have.
I never knew it was trauma.
I figured out that it took a narcissist to overiad my capacity to absorb abuse
And my computer crashed.
I had no clue who I was.
To save my kids I had to make it back.
I kept digging and digging.
7 years later YHVH took over and yanked 58 years of abuse and guilt out of me.
All of it.
3 months ago.
I am lighter and perpetually happy and tragedy or no person will ever take it from me.
I automatically repel anybody – 51% selfish
A narcissist – spiritually the jezebel spirit And army.
That bitch or person or whatever runs from me now.
I am my old self on steroids
And then some
I correct the smallest of a use bevsuse I refuse to absorb any of it
People leave and they.better cause the second time means trouble – for them.
How would I handle a narcissist now if one challenge me.
Look em right in the eye, which they can't,
Let them know if there mouth dont shut, a war will break out and they have.no chance.
Being totally abuse free is powerful.
Messing with me now is messing with YHVH.
Destitute 8 years,
I will make over 200 K
This year and will get a million dollar check in 2025 to build a mini City in Costa Rica
And I will lead people to
Shun this abusive world and end slavery to money.
It keeps getting better every day.
I paid the Ultimate but it made me a machine who lives silent to piss evil off
That is done by being selfless
And living only for others .
I will have my kids soon enough
And a whole new family of givers only.
Takers need to glad eternal hell is fiction
Evil created a monster against itself.
Here is what I learned recently
I used YHWH
It is YHVH
Put in the vowels
YaHaVaHa
Hava means Holy spirit in Hebrew
My name is in the middle of the Creater name.
Their is only one True God and his name is YHVH.
And He is comi g soon to beat evil down like the bitch it is
So be it.
My family definitely felt the wrath of a narcissists who tried with all his mite to avoid otherness and undervalue our opinions/ beliefs. He was extremely passive – aggressive (only saw his way of thinking). This man had a position of authority and abused that authority he was given. I am very glad that we have gone no contact and finally getting our situation resolved in civil court. This was the only way to resolve the problem.
Narcissists dont want a free thinking individuals as lovers or friends as this represents competition and therefore a threat in their eyes. Rather, they want a mindless obedient slave who will do their bidding on command and accept their abuse without question. Their attempts to change and control your opinions is simply one strategy used to establish control of your mind and your life as they feel entitled to do so. In the words of my ex "I did everything I did to you because I wanted you to myself, was I wrong to do that? ".
I don’t celebrate his lies or deception or Shenanigans
Mutuality, Reciprocity and Freedom
My X felt a sense of Entitlement mindset that he own the right to lie and betray with financial, legal and intimacy
Au contraire, they're not welded to any perspective, only to being right. My narc ex constantly flip flops between one CERTAINTY and an opposite CERTAINTY and each time he is right and godly. The only constancy is his ego.
Narcissists are immature. They seldom intellectually and emotionally grow past toddlerhood. Now we are six.
Yes. They push and push and push their agenda. Until we are crushed emotionally. How do we UN crush ourselves.