Spirituality Revealed

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As we have seen, the basis of all mourning and loss is attachment, plus the denial of the transitory nature of all relationships. We can begin by looking at our lives, identifying those areas of attachment, and asking ourselves: “What internal needs are they satisfying? What feeling would come up if I were to lose them? How can my inner emotional life be balanced so as to decrease the extent, degree, and number of attachments on external objects and people?” The greater our attachment to that which is outside of ourselves, the greater is our overall level of fear and vulnerability to loss. We can ask ourselves why we feel so incomplete. “Why am I so empty within myself that I have to search for solutions in the form of attachment and dependency on others?” We can begin to look at our own inner areas of immaturity. Specifically, we need to examine: “Where am I looking to get love rather than to give it?” The more loving we are, the less vulnerable we are to grief and loss, and the less we need to seek attachments. When we have acknowledged and let go of all negative feelings, and we have graduated from smallness to the recognition of our greatness so that our internal joy comes from the pleasure of giving and loving, then we are really invulnerable to loss. When the source of happiness is found within, we are immune to the losses of the world. When we take a critical look at our life, we see all of the attachments and escapes into which we have fallen. Each one represents a potential future source of pain and suffering. The really important areas should be closely examined. Let’s take, for example, the failure to face these issues in the commonly seen, so-called retirement syndrome. Traditionally, this may occur in women when the job of raising young children comes to an end with their maturity and leaving home (“empty nest syndrome”), and with a man when he reaches retirement age or loses his job, or through some physical disablement is unable to carry on his previous work. The reaction that typically occurs in middle age is due to the many years of pre-existing denial. There is often a lack of facing the inevitable and making plans for other life activities that would gratify the same inner needs which, in these cases, are feelings of self-esteem, importance, the wanting to feel needed and significant, and the need to make a contribution and be productive.

Hawkins, David. Letting Go: The Pathway of Surrender . Veritas Publishing. Kindle Edition.

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