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Have you ever attempted to tell someone – a friend, a family member, a pastor, or even your counselor – about the emotional abuse you have experienced from your spouse, a relative, maybe even your boss, only to be told things like, “It’s not worth getting upset over” or “It can’t be that bad” or “Why don’t you just leave?” These are some examples of secondary abuse. In this video, Dr. Hawkins explains what secondary abuse is, and how it affects victims of emotional abuse.
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Dr. Hawkins and his team of experts offer education and professional training as well as treatment for narcissistic and emotional abuse.
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About
The internet is inundated with hyperbole and misinformation about narcissism, leaving many people confused and hopeless. Get the facts about narcissism and emotional abuse from someone who has been researching, writing about and treating narcissism and emotional abuse for over a decade.
Dr. Hawkins is a best-selling author and clinical psychologist with over three decades of experience helping people break unhealthy patterns and build healthier relationships. He is the founder and director of the Marriage Recovery Center and the Emotional Abuse Institute which offers education, training and counseling for people who want to break free of, and heal from, emotional abuse.
Whether the perpetrator of the abuse is your spouse, partner, parent, boss, friend or family member, we offer practical advice for anyone trapped in a toxic, destructive relationship. In addition to narcissism & emotional abuse, topics include covert, reactive, spiritual, secondary, relationship trauma and more.
#relationships #narcissism #npd #emotionalabuse
very good info sir ty so much. can u possibly remake this video bc u voice got cut out in few min of video
Thank you doctor Hawkins ‼️ I would love to be able to pay to speak with you again, but I no longer work for the state due to the COVID Shot mandates craziness. I left a message at your office as I knew you back in Kelso/Longview in 1998 and 1999. I referred clients to you and we attended the same church for awhile 😊 I appreciate your videos as I got married again and things have not worked out as planned. It will be 8 years, this summer. I still believe God will rescue me, as he has been guiding me. 🙌🏼
They don’t care… I’ve tried so many times to make them get I’ve true I’ve tried… the exception is only one person.. they said maybe I was over reacting but they aren’t as bad as the others… but still bad
@2:00 that was what the psychologist that I was going to said, the secondary abuse from that person was horrific and the counseling turned him into the victim. He is constantly re-traumatizing me with his minimizing, justification, and diminishing of my experience from his betrayal. If if we had the money, I would leave him in a heartbeat, but there is no financial resources for me to do that. He’s never been a good provider, but was perfectly happy to live off of the money that I had, move into the home that I had and even let me buy us a different house to live in that he never paid for. What a loser.
Indeed. When I finally, after 20 years, reached out to a friend because I was scared of his behavior and what he might do to me, I was invalidated. She didn't watch the videos I sent, in desperation, trying to be understood, and asked me why I didn't just leave. I finally did leave, but I felt completely alone in all I did to do so. Now, so many feel sorry for him, with all his lies, when it was his awful behavior that caused me to have to leave my home and everything I had known my whole life. Hurt upon hurt. It's awful. I have been gone 6 months and I just wont talk to her about my experience anymore. It didn't matter to her then, and it doesn't matter to her now. Her attitude is, "Well, have you forgiven him yet?" Complete lack of understanding… I regret ever talking to her about it.
While it isn’t a guarantee that the counselor or their advice will be helpful, I would add the importance of licensing to be considered. At least that provides the person who has experienced secondary abuse some recourse if the counselor engages in harmful or unethical practice.
I would like to add a fifth consequence of secondary abuse when no support is given: betrayal.
Oh my gosh! You nailed this. “When someone minimizes or invalidates the survivors experience, it can feel like reliving the abuse.” Thank you for stating it so plainly!
4:10 I'm glad you brought up the amplification of emotional pain caused by secondary abuse, because not only do I know this is true from my own childhood experiences, but as an adult, I have endured the secondary abuse of stalkers, trolls, and other disturbed characters who believe themselves to be superman-superior. The internet provides food for these life murderers.
2:23 2-way streets give controlling narcissists the heebeejeebees. They enjoy creating and keeping involuntary captives and hostages.