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Episode 11 – Mad.In.Love podcast
Today I’m thrilled to have as my guest Dr. Les Carter, fellow psychologist, narcissism expert and host of the Surviving Narcissism podcast. Together we’re going to unpack what it is narcissists misunderstand about love. They certainly think they are capable of love, but what they really mean when they say “I love you” is that they love how you make them feel, they love what you do for them. Notice how it’s all about their needs, their wants, their feelings. They’ve completely missed the mark when it comes to what love entails. Tune in for this fascinating discussion on narcissists and their warped idea of love.
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Dr. Hawkins and his team of experts offer education and professional training as well as treatment for narcissistic and emotional abuse.
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About
The internet is inundated with hyperbole and misinformation about narcissism, leaving many people confused and hopeless. Get the facts about narcissism and emotional abuse from someone who has been researching, writing about and treating narcissism and emotional abuse for over a decade.
Dr. Hawkins is a best-selling author and clinical psychologist with over three decades of experience helping people break unhealthy patterns and build healthier relationships. He is the founder and director of the Marriage Recovery Center and the Emotional Abuse Institute which offers education, training and counseling for people who want to break free of, and heal from, emotional abuse.
Whether the perpetrator of the abuse is your spouse, partner, parent, boss, friend or family member, we offer practical advice for anyone trapped in a toxic, destructive relationship. In addition to narcissism & emotional abuse, topics include covert, reactive, spiritual, secondary, relationship trauma and more.
#narcissists #narcissist #narcissism
This really has to do with perspective more than learning techniques maturity. Immature people can learn how to mimick love (45:54) but the true "cure" of narcissistic personality disorder would be to actually FEEL mature love… Something I don't know if they are capable of doing. The rest would follow naturally if they actually had empathy and did love at an adult level. They are children, stunted, and simply can't.
So while I appreciate the thought, Dr Hawkins… don't believe in the fake it until you make it philosophy for this. They would have to reach further back and explore why they didn't develop into normal adults… Start over as a child again and get what they missed. It's sadly, probably, impossible.
Brilliant video
As someone with narcissistic parents & subsequent siblings, it is virtually impossible for people to thoroughly understand the devastation of spirit that the condescending, gaslighting, manipulative, selfish, deviant & abusive nature of narcissists.
"I'm okay, you're not okay" may have been what my mother was telling herself, but what I got out of that book was that I was able to say to myself, "I'm okay, you're not okay," which is what children aren't supposed to be able to do. Later, I have had several psychologists who have told me that I'm amazingly sane for what my parents gave me to work with. And I think that's because I was able to see that my parents were the ones who were wrong.
I like Dr Carter better than Dr Hawkins.
Dr Carter does say that narcissists can't change and to get out. We here in the chat know that's true.
Dr Ramani on YouTube also has a cohesive approach to narcissism.
Often the narc knows to ask the questions for levels 3 onward but doesn't bother to listen
I dreamt a strange dream yesterday in which a former boss saw me and told me he loved me. The guy was a narcissist. I woke up so confused and disgusted by the dream. Watching this video revealed to me what he meant. By telling me he loved me he meant "I want you to appease me all the time. I like that you enjoy serving others so serve me unconditionally. I like it when you prop me up and make me look good to my superiors". That's the kind of stuff he did and why I quit. Ew.
Having A NARCISSISTIC parent I am happy to hear what I find, being a lack off enough professional counsellors who know about Narcissistic behaviours
Sir your blessed not to be a vitiam! Please be careful
Thank you both Doctors for providing us this powerful knowledge to help us heal ❤
26 years of being totally invisible, alone. He is not here, his decision..I dont play by his rules.
Thank you for this conversation.
So many people appreciate your insights! Thank you. As we travel this path, please remember, the first kind of person seeking your help is not the narc. I remember when…so I take a couple of moments and say, as you know, words matter and sometimes re-reading the script with different eyes will reveal something. It's a gentle caution to think of what could trigger. Thank you.